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the nightmare continues

2003-05-13

hey all. i am back from malta. i know i should have said good-bye but i didn't manage. anyway, i wrote a little entry while i was away.
so here it is...

Monday, 28th April 2003, 7:08pm

It�s the second day here today. And it feels awesome to be back. Last night in bed I somehow thought that it felt like I had never been away. In case you�re wondering�I haven�t suddenly learned to type properly with capitals and all but I am typing this in Word as I don�t have internet access here and I am planning to paste it in when I am back. I haven�t had the chance to say good-bye and I feel bad for it so I thought I would give you a little first-hand experience by writing something everyday. Also I thought writing half a page full of nothing after two weeks of absence wouldn�t be fair and I just KNOW it would end up being that way because I�d never be able to remember the details I wanted to write down.
Anyway�my laptop has only about 20% of its original power left and I have to leave for dinner in 20 minutes anyway, so this will mainly leave space for a rather short update.

The flight was surprisingly ok. It was longer than we remembered it but didn�t seem that long because I was in and out of sleep all the time. I wasn�t allowed to use my MD player so I was pretty bored and not able to sleep properly but it was comfy because the plane wasn�t full and my mom and grandpa took seats away from me so I had enough space to relax.
The landing was shockingly rough as it was pretty windy and right next to the airport there are houses and only seconds before you actually land on the ground you think you will crash into them. But it went ok and we were out of the airport and on our way to the harbour pretty quickly. Quite annoyingly we were told we couldn�t take the boat to Comino from Malta as we would have had to wait too long. So we first took a ferry to Gozo and then went on the boat to Comino from there. It wasn�t too bad as we had done this already. But still I mainly wanted some nice travel agency person to come up to us and tell us what to do and mainly do everything and even think for us because I was so tired and exhausted. But in the end everything went fine and we arrived at the hotel at around 4pm. We didn�t leave the island/hotel then anymore but just stayed in, had some drinks and that was it.

Anyway�the batteries are dying now, so I�ll add more later�

9:00pm

I am stuffed! I didn�t even eat that much because there wasn�t much I really liked today. I found myself having to make the tough decision wether I wanted vegetables with lovely Sauce Hollandaise and have some strange kinda meat with that or stay on the safe but boring side and have pasta with some kinda tomato sauce. I decided to have the vegetables which wasn�t the greatest idea ever as it tasted a bit like�nothing. After adding loads of salt, however, it was ok. I even tried liver again just to find out that it wasn�t as terrible as I remembered it from last time but not really good, either. Just�ok. The dessert, however, was awesome. Some kinda strawberry cream. It was tasty but a bit too sweet so you couldn�t eat much without feeling sick. Afterwards we sat down in the lounge and I had my hot chocolate which I have made a kind of habit of. I did this when we were here the first time and now I am doing it again. Every night before going up to the room and sleep/read/watch tv/write/study I have a hot chocolate. It�s strange but nice. Today it was a bit too hot, though and I drank it way too fast. I think I would have stayed longer in the lounge if I hadn�t needed a toilet so badly. There are toilets there, too, but my paranoia always gets the best of me. So I hurried to drink my chocolate and went upstairs. And now I don�t think I�ll ever be able to eat or drink anything again. Well, until tomorrow morning at least. *grins sheepishly*
Another thing I noticed is that my right hand is slightly sunburnt. It�s the second day, goddammit!!! It�s not really bad, though. It�s just a bit red and itches a little. But I forgot my sunblocker at home and had to buy some new stuff today so for the first few hours I had no protection. But I got some awesome stuff at The Body Shop today. It smells nice and even the bottles look funky. I got a sunscreen cream and some aftersun spray which I think is actually complete rubbish as in what it�s supposed to do (I don�t think it�s necessary to put skin care products on your skin twice) but I like the cooling effect.
People�sit down or get a grip of something unless you wanna fall over� I finally managed to taste vanilla coke. I didn�t even think of the possibility of finding it here but today we went to a supermarket to get the necessary things you need to survive after the bar and shop inside the hotel are closed (candy, drinks and chewing gum). And while putting tons of iced tea into our shopping basket I saw it standing there. I nearly expected the shop ceiling to open up to have a light shining through and hear a church choir singing pathetic praise the lord-songs. So yes, I�ve tasted it and I am amazed at how good it tastes. Though I was ripping my arse open I never really expected it to be very good. It was just a kind of �I have to have it, too�-thing. But I really like it. But as others have stated before I wouldn�t really use it as a substitute for real (Diet) Coke.
Perhaps the worst thing I noticed today was that German tourists can be recognised at first sight. I always thought this to be a rather evil prejudice but it�s true. We really think all sorts of dressing rules don�t count at all when we�re on vacation. And there�s no way of saying all those people never have a dressing sense at home, either. I mean, there are so many German tourists around. Surely, if they all run around like this all the time you would see them in Germany, too. I mean, hello?! Yes, no one knows you here but still there are people seeing you. And they think badly of you and of any other German tourist for that matter. Destinations for you to spend your holidays aren�t some fictional little places that only exist for two or three weeks a year while you�re there and disappear as soon as you leave. Gawd, if I lived here I�d hate tourists so much. I am a tourist, too, but I hope I am not that annoying. I know this sounds arrogant and vain but it�s true. Never in my whole life would I run around in purple and green training trousers and possibly a red shirt.
Also you get the feeling Germans don�t really get the point of holidays. You don�t fly miles away and pay tons of money to have everything like at home. Yet every second German tourist complains about the people not speaking German, the food being different, the landscape being �dull�, the people having a different mentality� I mean, there are nice trips to other German towns and they�re not as expensive as most trips to other countries so why don�t they do that if foreign things annoy them?
Anyway, it�s late and I�m tired. Ok, it�s not late. It�s only half an hour later but we spent the whole day running around today as we made a trip to Sliema to get the most important things for our stay (aka food, drinks and sunblocker) and just to visit the town again. This, however involved waiting for a bus for over an hour as we once again had to experience the eccentric personality of Maltese bus drivers and a bus trip from hell with a driver who thought driving down a hill with 80km/h or more in a bus that�s at least 20 years old would be fun. So, I definitely need sleep now. Cheers!

Tuesday 29th April 2003, 1:23pm

I have found the first thing that bothers me about this otherwise almost perfect hotel: the public restrooms smell disgusting. Obviously the cleaning lady uses some vanilla-peach-cinnamon-cleaner. So even if you only need to pee when you go there you will soon feel like throwing up. But I have already mentioned my paranoia of using public restrooms so it should be easy for me to avoid these places as much as possible. But if I only need to pee it seems a little pointless to me to walk to our room on the other side of the hotel�
Also my plans of losing some weight here have died today. I thought if I only had something small for breakfast and then a nice dinner everyday and maybe a little candy here and there I�d be safe but it�s the third day today and I already broke those rules because I had lunch. It�s not my fault, really. We decided to take the boat at 2.30pm but I�ve been up since 9am and I�ve already finished reading my first book, spent ages sitting in the sun and had some nice drinks. So to spend the last two hours in the hotel there wasn�t much else to do except from having dinner. Ok, there were loads of other activities but I also have a hotel pool paranoia so I will never go swim in there nor will I lie down next to it. So that wasn�t an option. I didn�t wanna go up to the room, either because the cleaning lady hadn�t been there, yet, and if you�re in there when she comes she�ll likely not clean it that day and I didn�t wanna live without clean sheets and towels. The other thing would have been using the computer. The hotel one I mean. To go online. Which seemed enticing but as I said�it�s the third day today and do I really wanna give in to the addiction that soon? So far I�ve survived without the internet AND without TV. Which reminds me that �Sex & the City� will be on today. Not for me, though.

Anyway, I�ll go start reading another book now before I move my sunburnt little butt (no it�s not really sunburnt, yet) to the boat to go to Gozo�

7:43pm

Gozo is as lovely as I remembered it. But the capital, Victoria, is further away from the harbour than I thought so we ended up having to catch a cab in order to get to the harbour in time for our boat to go back to Comino. Which was nice because every once in a while I do need such a special treatment.
I bought more Vanilla Coke as the first bottle was only a small one to try if I liked it. And we finally got paper tissues which was needed. Then we spend ages looking at all the little shops which sell all sorts of needlework stuff which Malta is famous for. They had loads of things I might find pretty if I was into needlework. My mom, however, said my grandma would have freaked out and bought the whole shop.
Victoria is a bit of a strange place. The main shopping/tourist street goes down a hill. On top of that hill there are those needlework and tourist shops and a market which sells all sorts of junk. And there�s also a big church or chapel but we�ve never managed to go in as it always seems to be closed when we�re there. Just a few metres further down the street there are normal shops where you can buy all sorts of everyday-things like beauty stuff, electronics, papers, etc. But it still looks quite traditional. But yet another few metres further the place becomes all hyper-modern with a fairly big shopping arcade where you think you�ve entered Barbie�s world and McDonald�s and a super-supermarket. The place seems a bit lost there because all around there are those traditional houses and streets.

So, anyway, now I am sitting on our lovely balcony and enjoying the rather nice and fresh air of the early evening. The wind has calmed down now which it always seems to do in the evening but it is a little cold so I have to wear a jacket. But that�s ok. It�s nice and quiet here. My mom and grandpa are still downstairs in the lounge and no one else seems to be around on the other balconies, either. You should see the view we have from here. We can look straight at the little lagoon the hotel�s at and beyond that there�s the sea. I am definitely gonna take pictures but I don�t they�ll be developed quickly enough to be added with this entry. Mind you, I�ll just add them later on. Actually even the hotel pool looks pretty because the whole hotel looks quite traditional. It�s not one of those big snow-white things that hurt your eyes and always seem out of place. Ours looks a lot more like it was there even before the �evil� tourists came. It�s of a nice beige colour and the floor�s like that, too. I just noticed that there are two pools, too. Strangely, the second, smaller one is almost right underneath our balcony but I didn�t really notice it before. Dunno if there�s any difference between the two but I sure as hell won�t go and find out. I�ve spent way too much time on a boat today and now I am constantly feeling like the earth is swaying with the waves. I think tomorrow I�ll take a time off and spend time just hanging around at the hotel.
Quite surprisingly things with my grandpa seem to be going alright. Yesterday we had a small argument because I told him that it bothers me how he never listens even when someone�s answering a question he�s asked. He looked a bit sad then but later seemed to have thought about my criticism and even asked us to repeat things he didn�t hear properly. So now everything seems to be fine. And he also stopped complaining about all the differences between here and Germany and he seems to have started enjoy things as he stayed at the hotel today when we made the trip to Gozo because he doesn�t wanna do something everyday and later he told us he had enjoyed drinking coffee in the lounge, having some ice cream and even taking a little walk around the island. So I guess it�s safe to say we�re all enjoying it now.
And now I am gonna go meet the toilet again because all the fruit sorbet�s I�ve eaten in the past three days aren�t doing me much good, I guess. *polishes halo*

Wednesday 30th April 2003, 6:30pm

As relaxing as a day in might seem�after a few hours I got bored�and started doing useful things. First I started doing my very first English homework which I had to stop doing after a while cos I found I couldn�t really concentrate on it and I don�t want my first homework to be crap. Even though I think my standards are better than they expect anyway I don�t want it to be crap from my point of view, either.
So I hung around a little, took loads of photos, played Sims and then actually started making a layout to put up on deep-obsession.com. I just finished it and I am more than impressed with myself because (without sounding too full of myself) I think it looks fab. That�s especially cool because I just started fiddling around with Frontpage because I was bored. Usually, when I have something particular in my head it takes me ages to get it together and when I have no idea of what I�m gonna do, nothing will happen. But today I just browsed through my pictures and came up with some vague ideas and TADAAA. There it is. I chose one of my favourite pics of Brian Molko which, for a change, hasn�t much to do with my obsession getting too much but more with the fact that I have no internet connection here so I can�t look for pictures and I have almost nothing but Placebo pictures on my comp.
Today is so far the nicest day here weather-wise. The days before have always been a bit windy so you couldn�t sit outside for long because it would either get too cold or too windy to read or so. But today there was almost no wind so I spent ages sitting outside on the terrace to have a drink and read. But then it got too hot and I was afraid I�d get even more sunburnt despite having put on loads of S.O.S. (Safe Our Skins � no joke!!!) sunscreen cream.
I don�t know why but the weather makes me shockingly horny. Yes, I know, one of the details you don�t want to hear about but it�s true. Hell, I even find a terribly arrogant latino-kinda guy sexy. Talk about desperate. My mom, however, says he isn�t arrogant. Dunno how she knows that but I don�t want to find out. Nor do I want to get to know him as he�s part of a group of computer geeks who are spending some kind of workshop with their company here and they spend most of the time sitting around a table on the terrace playing around with their laptops. Ok, I have mine with me, too, but I don�t take it with me outside or to the dining room or something.
Anyway, dining room sounds good. I guess we�ll go to have dinner in a few minutes so�tata for now!

8:14pm

I�d like to give this part its own title. I�d like to call it �The magic of compilation CDs�. As this hotel seems to have a shitload of such CDs which were made only for the use in the lounge and in the dining room. And strange themes they have, too. So far we had to suffer from �The 20 Greatest Hits of Enya�, �99 Rock �n� Roll Hits Played on The Flute� and �99 Heavy Metal Hits Played on The Piano�. But today�s compilation during dinner has to be my fave as it seemed to be titled �The Greatest Karaoke Songs For Homosexuals & Transvestites� as you could almost see them being performed by those.
Though I seriously think I�ll end up with a serious Enya-trauma when I get out of here. It�s terrible. They play that stuff everyday at least twice. And I don�t know shit about how relaxing it�s supposed to be and all. Personally each time they play it I wanna take the next pumpgun and shoot some people including myself. But that�s just me. *polishes halo AGAIN* Though my mom said she pretty much sympathises with that since she�s had similar feelings towards that music.

PS: the little Word Assistant thingie is starting to seriously annoy me. I know I could just turn it off but it�s so much more fun to yell at it and tell it to piss off each time it knocks on the screen and wants to share a part of its never-ending wisdom with me�

Friday, 2nd March 2003, 4:08pm

I don�t know why I didn�t write anything yesterday. It wasn�t an exceptionally exhausting day or anything. I guess I just kind of forgot about it.
Happy Placebo Day to everyone, though as the Placebo community seems to have decided that today is official Placebo Day. Listen to �The Bitter End� if you need to know why� And Happy Birthday to BlueAmerican on the forum. He doesn�t know/like me but he mentioned that it was his birthday so often that I just had to think of him now. Today is the most boring day so far. We have decided to have another day in but it�s boring me to death. I�ve seen everything here now and I�m sick of reading. Also you shouldn�t really be inside your room when the cleaning ladies are coming as it�ll be an uncomfortable situation for both, you and them. We made the mistake today as we thought 2pm would be an ok time to go back in and sit on the balcony for a while and stuff. But they didn�t come until 3.30pm because so many guests left today and those rooms needed to be cleaned out first.
Anyway, yesterday we went to Valetta but we forgot that May 1st is a holiday almost everywhere, including Malta. Almost everything was closed and the streets were full of people celebrating something. It seems to be a bigger thing here today than it is back home.
But we went to some sort of 3D experience History thing which was fun. Ok, I think I found it funnier than it was meant to be because in a way it was a bit pathetic. The same kinda way of patheticness that ghost houses on fairgrounds are. But the history part was also quite interesting. Afterwards we spent about an hour sitting in a nice little street caf� and I had a strawberry milkshake which tasted almost nothing like strawberry and a mint cake which was very tasty but also very sweet and made me sick because there was so much of it. Now, though, I wouldn�t mind another piece as I am in love with everything minty� I�m a cunt for mint ice-cream!
Oh, and later I had a freezie. I don�t know which flavours exactly I had as it was mainly just sweet but I had a mixture of red and blue and it tasted like those winegum smurfs you can get.
I also commited a crime. Ok, not a real crime but I broke one of my own rules as I bought something in a souvenir shop. Only a sticker for my car and some postcards, though. I promised myself to give my car a special treatment when I�m back home. I�m gonna get it cleaned inside out and I�ll check the tires and add the stickers of my two favourite countries (UK and Malta) and the deep-obsession.com window sticker to it and maybe I�ll even drive to that big gas station where they have that car perfume. And then I�ll add that �New Car�-fragrance to it. Yup. And yes, I AM missing my little Silver Rocket like crazy. There are loads of those cars around here btw. Almost every second car is a Peugeot 206. good to see that people have taste.

9:51pm

I hate Enya!!! It was a bit of a joke til now but today I really got a bloody overdose!!!
And I also hate British tourists. Ok, not all of them but the ones that are having a little stop with their boat here in �our� lagoon tonight and who think it�s funny to be noisy as fuck all night. They�re the kind that gets pissed and then finds themselves super-funny. I�m not impressed. I was actually trying to study a bit and I even managed to get to no. 2 of my history book but it�s not all that much. It, however, seemed a little hard to concentrate on the French Revolution when I had to constantly listen to some people talking about �BOOBS� and �BEER�.
I used the internet pc for the first time today and, nope, it�s not free. Nevermind, it�s not really that expensive, either. I just said hello on AAD, read some mails and checked on Placebo news. �This Picture��s coming out on June 9. Wheee. And I talked to Tina and Mariam as they also have MSN messenger here. I don�t think I�ll use it too often, though, as they have an annoying US keyboard a 14 or 15 inch monitor so I couldn�t even read most of my mails properly because the screen was too small.
Anyway, I�ll go and play some Sims until the bunch outside shuts up so I can sleep�

Saturday, 3rd May 2003, 7:15pm

I have a new obsession which I can�t really write that much about as it would give away some thing. But it�s awesome. And it is a �new� shop. New because I didn�t know it as it seems to be a UK thing but I think it existed for quite some time already�
Anyway, people here in Malta are weird. They have a kind of butter called �I can�t believe it�s butter� (ok, that might be a UK thing as well but I�ve never seen it there) and the biggest thing around at the moment is that that stuff has a new blue packaging. Doh!
I got sick today because I had a McDonalds ice cream and one of those freezies a bit later and then we went on the bus back to the ferry and I got terribly sick because the streets here are more than a bit bumpy and usually you can�t breathe properly during the whole bus ride because you keep bopping up and down.
Also, the rich and famous have arrived here today. Which was mainly a couple who had booked one of the two suites they have here. And they were even greeted by the hotel manager and led to their suite. Personally, I thought it was a bit ridiculous because other guests arrived aswell and their rooms would have been a lot harder to find than the suite. If it would have been me I would have been ashamed to get such a super treatment. Especially because this hotel is mainly a normal holiday place and not some posh thing so they�ll be excluded from all the fun if they want to or not. Ah well�if they need to have that�
Ack�I think I�ll go and grab some food now before the VIP�s have stolen all the good stuff�

Sunday, 4th May 2003, 5:40pm

I�d like to introduce you to my fellow vacationists, aka the other hotel residents.
I already mentioned the rich couple that arrived yesterday. There�s not much to write about them except that they actually had dinner in the same room with us yesterday, they ate the same food as us and basically you could not see any difference at all which makes me wonder what exactly they�re paying more for.

My �favourite� residents was that group of co-workers who seemed to be here for a workshop. I think I mentioned them before. They were really doing my tits in because during their last two or three days they thought it was a good idea to declare several parts of the hotel their property. They moved the furniture around and put cables everywhere and worked with a beamer in the tv/internet corner of the lounge. Which is highly ridiculous. I mean, IF you�re doing such a big thing with your company and you�re gonna be such a pain in the arse anyway at least arrange some stuff beforehand. Like�book the conference room or something and don�t annoy the shit out of the other hotel guests. And I know for a fact that they didn�t only annoy us but other, too, as another couple came up to my mom and asked if we were pissed off by them, too.

Which brings me to the next part. This couple, however, was quite nice. We only met them on Thursday and they had to leave very early on Saturday morning so we did not talk to them too much. But they asked us how to get their mobile working here and I explained it to them and they told us how annoyed they were by that group and all. They seemed a little weird at times but hey, it was quite entertaining to talk to someone else than my family.

Then there�s �rat-face� and his girlfriend. �Rat-face� is some german guy in his 40�s and his girlfriend is a little blondie woman at the end of her 30�s. they would be a perfectly normal couple if they weren�t so annoyingly posh. By the looks of it they�ve only just found love (aka a shared interest in money) and they behave like some teenagers in their puppy love stage. Order expensive wine for dinner and share the bottle (I should mention here that usually people here just order red wine or white wine but never anything special, neither do they expect the waiter to do the whole wine-thing procedure), hold hands and giggle, stuff like that. Nothing of that would bother me too much (maybe amuse me quite a bit) if she hadn�t ruined it all right on the second evening. The night before they had been sitting on a table next to us. The next night another couple was sitting there. And I mean it�s not like you get one certain table were you�ll sit everynight. You just come in and look for one. �Rat-face� and his blondie, however, seemed to think it was THEIR table. So she threw the other couple dirty looks, made some not-so-lovely remarks and then they took the table right next to it where there were no plates and stuff because the couple that had been eating there before had just left (out of ALL tables that were ready to be used they had to choose the one next to THEIRS) and ran all over to the other side of the room taking plates and forks and knives from another table, basically making a big show out of it to make everyone notice that someone had �stolen� their table. So, yup, ever since then they my personal little source of entertainment cos they�re so pathetic.

And there�s another couple (yes, I feel like a criminal NOT being part of a couple here) that is so pathetic I wanna scream. Ok, it�s mainly the guy that is pathetic. I call him �Captain Video� (ok, that was stolen from David Foster Wallace�s book) because he always has a video camera with him and he films the most boring things. Three times already we�ve been on the boat with him and each time he filmed it. I mean, how often does he think his relatives want to see the boat trip from Comino to Malta? Anyway, besides filming completely irrelevant things he also things he�s THE man. I don�t know if it�s his first time here or if he maybe has a strange interest in everything related to Malta but it seems to be his destination to learn the language. So he spends a worryingly large amount of time annoying the shit out of the hotel staff (including the guys on the boat) by asking them what this and that means. He�s basically stalking them. And each time he sees one of them he says something maltese. And I am 100% sure that he�s talking complete nonsense. Apparently he�s saying stuff like �Goof Afternoon� and stuff. Or he thinks so. But I bet it really means �I�m a stinking monkey�s ass� or so. The hotel staff smiles politely but that�s their job. I HATE people who do that. I hate people who come up to me on the Internet writing something in German because they think it�ll impress me and I also hate people doing it in real life. It�s great if you wanna learn another language but hey, stop bothering me. It does not impress me. Especially not if you tell me about pathetic stuff like �Sauerkraut� and �Wiener W�rstchen�. It just doesn�t because it�s completely irrelevant. Yeah, so I had to listen to his crap 3x20minutes which makes a whole hour already. No wonder he�s doing my head in.

There are loads more hotel residents, of course, but the others are fairly unimportant as they do only the normal holiday stuff and they aren�t such perfectly pathetic characters.
And now I�ll go and enjoy their company again as I am going down to the lounge to have a hot chocolate before dinner�

Tuesday, 6th May 2003, 10.31pm

Today was so unbelievably uneventful that I almost feel bad for writing about it at all. Because we booked a car yesterday which we�re gonna pick up tomorrow and because it�s so stormy today we decided to have another day in. which bored me to death, though. We couldn�t even go out sit on the terrace so we sat inside the lounge and in our room most of the day. The stupid cleaning ladies woke up at 10.30. I had actually planned to sleep in today because I had slept almost not at all the night before. They usually don�t come here before 1 or 2 but today they obviously decided to be exceptionally early. So I got ready within 5 minutes and went down to the lounge where I sat with my book and my hot chocolate until it was lunch time. And afterwards I want up to the room to study and stuff.
But tomorrow�s the big day�I�ll see wether I am able to drive a British car. Somehow I don�t think it will be too hard. It will be strange at first but then I guess it�ll be ok. Or I hope so. I am not actually allowed to drive as you have to be 21 at the very least to hire a car. But my mom hired it and I�ll get to drive. If we get caught, though, it�ll cost us up to �m500 which would be around �1500. that would suck so much�
Anyway, I�ll sleep now cos I have to get up at 7 to go and pick up the car�

Friday, 9th May 2003, 11:51am

Super! Our second last day here and my mom�s sick. I can�t even begin to describe how much that pisses me off. I know she�s not done it on purpose but it almost seems like that. It fits in perfectly. We�re all a bit�not so well at the moment because we wanna go home. It�s not like it�s bad here I just noticed that being on such a small island for two weeks is too much. But my mom�s been the worst going �I wanna go home!� every five minutes and basically being all stroppy when I said we should go and do something. If it went her way we had stayed in the last few days. So now she kind of gets it her way. We rented a car on Wednesday (which was awesome but she behaved terribly, obviously thinking I was too stupid to drive) and went to Pizza Hut for the last time here yesterday and today we wanted to finally get over to Gozo and see those temples that I already wanted to see last time but didn�t. but of course�she�s sick. Apparently it is because of some sausages she�s eaten on Wednesday evening but I mean�hello?! Go and puke it out and that�s it but nooo�.
Actually, it�s not the fact THAT she�s sick that annoys me but the way HOW she�s going about it. Constantly moaning and cursing and coughing and wincing. I mean, ok, I don�t expect her to be all quiet and stuff but putting on such a show is not gonna help, either, is it? It�s like saying �HA! Look, I am sick and no, you can�t ask me to do anything today because I am sick. Haha.� It�s always annoyed me how she can�t be the slightest bit mature when being in an unfortunate situation like this. I mean, when I am sick I tell people, alright, and maybe I wince now and then but I am not having that kinda big show about it. But then again�.that�s always been the most annoying thing about her�that fact that she can NEVER be fully quiet. Never. She always has to make some sort of noise. She looks out of the window and HAS to say something about it. When she sneezes, it�s like an explosion. When she has a little pain somewhere (the kinda pain you sometimes get out of the blue that is gone as quickly as it comes) she has to yell and whine while others just accept it. Hell, she even CHEWS soundly.
And now I have to bore myself through the day and listen to her snoring and wincing. I could go down to the lounge but I�d either sit there all alone or with my grandpa and both would suck.
Yesterday I was alone in the lounge for a few minutes and because it was so boring I had my history book with me so I studied a bit. And the hotel manager�s assistant (whom I�ve always found a bit strange because he seems a bit cold and cruel) came up to me and asked me if I was bored because I was reading so much here. Point 1 was that I thought it was a kind of hint telling me he thought I was a boring person. Point 2 is that I don�t know why it�s his business what I am doing. I mean, others lie around the pool and sleep the whole day and he doesn�t go up to them and asks them why they are so inactive though sleeping at the pool is not more (rather less) productive than sitting in the lounge and study while enjoying a cool drink. He seemed pretty nice and all but still�just the fact that he asked me such a thing seemed a little out of order to me�
Now I am waiting for the cleaning ladies to come and then kind of explain to them why they can�t clean the room today. And yes, another thing that annoys me about my mom being sick�I have to deal with all the shit that comes with it. I�d like to leave it to her to explain it all but she�s sleeping and I prefer listening to her snoring than hearing her wince all the time.
The only good news are that I bought the limited edition of �Black Market Music� yesterday. Actually I just wanted to have a look at a record shop just to�well, have a look around a record shop. It was a small ickle thing which sold old Take That t-shirts and stuff but apparently it�s the big thing in Malta. I didn�t expect to find anything but of course I had to go through the Pop&Rock Letter P-part�just because it�s the usual procedure. And there it was. Just sitting there like it was a perfectly normal CD. It must have been there for years�ever since it was released as it�s not a second hand shop and the limited edition was�uhm�well�limited. So anyway�I grabbed it and bought it. And it wasn�t even that much more expensive than a normal CD �40 is almost the normal CD price in some places. Well, ok, not really but to hell with that. On ebay it goes up to �80 and more. And the case is so pretty. I keep looking at it, not quite believing that I also own that one, now. I have two of the rarest official releases now. Whee�
Oh, joy, my mom�s up again�and I�ll go play Sims to distract myself�

8:49pm

I�m craving food. I have eaten fuck all today. Well some Milkybar Buttons but I mainly ate them out of boredom and because they were there. I was in some sort of private little rebellion. I didn�t leave the room at all today. Well, unless sitting on the balcony counts as it IS outside. So I couldn�t go and eat, either. They are worried and I love that. Yes, I know I sound like a right bitch here but so what? All day I was expected to be all mature und blah. Amuse grandpa, explain things, entertain myself, be patient. And I was bored out of my mind. No one cared about that. Did my grandpa ask me wether he should go out and do something with me? Did anyone worry about me at all? Oh, but of course not. Because dear mommy had to eat bad food again everyone has to worry about HER. Yes, I am aware that I am sounding unfair. But this happens each fucking time we go on holiday. She bloody knows that she has a weak stomach and that too fat food can fuck it up. And it�s even worse at the moment with the stomach virus she had a month or so ago. But noooo she had to go and eat sausages and potatoes with the fat dripping from them. And now she seriously expects me to pity her? She�s got to be kidding, really?
Also, I�m tired of sharing this bloody fucking tiny room with her!!! All the boredom depressed me so much today that I felt the need to cry all day. But I could only cry during the half an hour in total she left the room today. And all those oh-so-worried looks and questions �What�s wrong with you?� yeah, I�m wondering that, too, really. I�m bored enough to go humping the walls and my head is aching from all the thinking I am doing because there�s nothing else to do and I am depressed enough to jump off the fucking balcony but hmm�what might be wrong with me?!
Dammit, I need food! But I won�t mention it to her. Never. She�ll give me one of her �Told you so� rants and I don�t need that now because I am way stronger than my bloody stomach. It just won�t get food now. And the situation�s like this tomorrow it won�t get any food then, either. End of story.

yes, that was my holiday. and boy do i feel bad for the last part. because the reason why it stops there is that i didn't quite manage to write anything the last day. because my mom had to be brought to hospital friday night. and she's actually still there. i felt awful but everything turned out to be not so bad. she had an inflammation in her stomach which wasn't actually too serious itself but the doctors didn't want her to fly. but she'll be back tomorrow which is good.
me having to care for everything myself sucked, though. i had to pick up my cat, pay for it, do the shopping, wash the clothes and so on. not so bad if i hadn't had to do everything at the same time. and yes, i am a spoilt brat and i just never need to do much. that's just a fact. so i guess it was half as bad as i'm making it sound. and i have to admit my ego was a bit hurt when TWO people called and offered their help, thinking i wasn't able to keep the household going on my own. dammit, i even kept MY GRANDPA going and that was hard enough. just because i'm a lazy cow and avoid work at all costs doesn't mean i cannot work.
the only thing that is a problem is food. i can't cook to save my arse and i know cooking some pasta or eggs or so probably isn't very hard but i just don't feel like doing it. cooking for myself seems so pointless. so today i'm only gonna eat some microwave pasta and maybe i'll even add some fish fingers to do (i can do that. haha.) and yes, fish fingers are great with spaghetti. ordering food also sucks because if you order one dish only you have to pay about �7 additionally and you could also get a second dish for that. yesterday i got food from burger king but i don't really wanna do that everyday, either (shockingly).

anyway, i have to wash some more clothes today...with the deadly expensive ylang-ylang-smell washing powder i bought yesterday (may elvis never let me get my own place).

stabbing westward - what do i have to do?

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