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c'mon commercialize your soul
2003-04-13
i want a boyfriend. or actually i'm not sure if i want a boyfriend. but i want people to think i have one. quite often i thought about lying and telling people i have one just to make them stop looking at me like i was some sad little creature. but i'm a bad liar so knowing me i'd fuck it all up and end up having everyone know a different story. i think i mentioned before how you're not allowed to be single nowadays anymore. and today it annoyed me again. not because anything specific happened. but i just noticed how i feel generally left out among some people. and when i compare myself with them to figure out why it could be this way i usually end up with they have a partner and i don't. so is no boyfriend=no social life?
anyway, today was almost amazingly uneventful. though i was pretty active. i actually studied and showered and did all the things i never do on sundays because on sundays the whole world seems pointless.
anyway, i guess i'll go back to studying. i didn't get to do too much today as our neighbours were having 'a little argument' again and also i had to have the windows open unless i wanted to fry myself and the world outside was terribly noisy (one day i'll boil all those kids around) and i couldn't really concentrate...
hell, in our company you can even get fired if you're not in a relationship. ok, it's not that easy but i was told that from all the permanent workers (not apprentices or trainees) loads of people will be fired or put on hold soon. and who gets fired is calculated through a certain points system. and your domestic situation helps to calculate your points. like married=2 points, kids=3 points, living together with a partner=1 point. and those who don't live together with someone are actually planning to let their partners move in with them now. so if you're single and not the best seller of the team...you'll lose.
i think i am pretty much ready for the workshop tomorrow. though i have doubts about me being able to understand everything as i think it'll be pretty much on the technical side. and i've never been too bright there. ah, who knows. it won't cost me anything, anyway.
myballoon - trust no one