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Not ready, yet
2006-02-12
I should be in bed already. But I just need to write this quick entry to vent my inner confusion.
So the guy from the other job called again last week. On Tuesday or Wednes. He asked if I was still interested and I said yes. He then said the company had said the same and that he'd call me again with something final within the next days. Then nothing again. The thing is that by now I am not even sure I really want to change jobs anymore. Point a) is, of course, that I am kind of fed up with the whole back and forth that they were presenting me with. I don't know which plans to make and when to get my hopes up anymore. That is not a good sign for a future cooperation. What if I'm stuck with that temp agency / company and it's all just as messed up as it is now?
*sigh* I just really don't know what to do. And I know I can't ask anyone, either, because they could give me opinions but not decide for me. That's so hard!
I really need to go to bed now, though. Maybe the guy will call again tomorrow. I hope he won't. I'm not ready, yet.
But that's not the most important part. I'm used to confusion and mess. What really got me thinking is that I caught myself actually enjoying work at the current job. Yes, it shocked me, too. By now, I get along with the team pretty well and the work is starting to really be fun. It's also usually just about the right amount of work. Time goes by quickly enough for me not to get frustrated and depressed. Getting up as early as I have to is hard and I admit to have bad and depressing thought in the first 10 minutes of the day. But afterwards, I am really doing fine. I am quite cheery most of the time and I feel I'm actually getting things done and making some progress. It could be because it just feels good to finally be working again. But what if it's really all about that particular job? What if the other turns out not making me as happy? Yes, the trial work day was fine but it was just one day. Or 4 hours, even. With my current job, I know I like it. I don't know if it would be wise to give that up even if the conditions are better.
On the other hand, I really think there won't be a chance for them to keep me there after the year. They even refer to me as "Ms. M. who's helping out for a year". That upsets me a little but it doesn't happen often. Most of the time, they treat me like a normal part of the team. I'm also doing the same work and have the same rights.
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