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Just wanna live
2006-01-12
I feel really bad right now. I'm excited and scared because of tomorrow. I know I should stay cool but I can't. The problem isn't the job itself. I don't think I'll have that many problems with the actual tasks. I don't expect it to be much harder than my old work. Easier even because it will mostly be shop keepers and assistants calling. People who actually work with the devices they're enquiring about. Not old people who got a cellphone for Christmas and have no idea what to do with it and don't understand the whole thing anyway.
Yesterday, another guy called me for an interview on Tuesday. It was a totally sucky offer but I'm not sure enough about the thing tomorrow to decline instantly. He wanted to invite me for an interview at their company. But I went out with Tanja yesterday, want to relax and prepare for stuff today and have the trial work tomorrow. So I told him there was no way in hell I could come over this week. He got all whiny like "Oh, but I won't be around next week, can't you come this week?" I knew I was jeopardising the whole thing but for some strictly temp job without the option to stay at the company later that is also paid poorly, I am not going out of my way, sorry. In the end, he asked his co-worker if I could speak to him then. So I have an appointment for Monday. Which I am most likely gonna cancel. No matter what happens tomorrow.
And then there's also my bad conscience. Because of something that happened on Monday. I came home from the job interview and was just driving up our street when I saw someone lying on the ground and someone else bending over them. So I stopped the car in the middle of the street and ran over to see if I could help. It turned out the person on the ground was just drunk off his ass. But he couldn't get up and seemed to be in a really bad condition. So I asked if I should call an ambulance. The other guy nodded but the drunk dude just declined and nearly yelled at me. I just looked at them for a while and asked if they really didn't want me to do anything. But he just kept repeating that he didn't want a doctor. And my car was still parked in the middle of the street and I had to pee so badly. I thought about calling an ambulance anyway but I would have had to stay around then. So I just got into the car and drove home. After parking in front of my house, I looked back and saw the guy was up on his feet again and mostly being carried away by the other. But still...I should have dialled 110. Meh. On the other hand...he brought it upon himself and if he died of an alcohol poisoning or something, I don't really feel too much compassion or anything for him. Ah, let's not kid ourselves: I am a bad, selfish person! Risking someone's death or bad health because I have a full bladder. Can it get any worse?
What scares me is the people. I was told the team is "a small one; only about 12 people". Well, 12 people is a hell of a lot for me. I won't be meeting them all tomorrow. Of course not. But there'll still be many of them. And I'm so bad with people. We all know that. I'll be putting up an act. It'll be so hard. Also, I forgot to ask how long they want me to stay tomorrow. And I don't really want to ask first thing tomorrow, either. I mean, I don't really care because I know this is important and will just take as long as it needs to. Plus it's not like I have important places to be. I'd just like to know when to leave. To avoid the awkward moment of "Ok, is this it? Should I go now?" Also, I know I should ask a lot of questions tomorrow. But I'll be so excited, I doubt I'll be able to think of any. I couldn't even during the actual interview. They asked me if I had any question after offering the trial work. And I just said "Oh, no no no, I would have asked about what the work is like, which cases usually come up and all but I'll be able to see it all then" ...which is true. But I was totally speaking out of my ass. I wouldn't have asked anything anyway because I couldn't think of anything but "Please hire me. Please don't think I'm an ass." I wish I had just a little more self-confidence...
Good Charlotte - I Just Wanna Live