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excuse me while i break down.
2003-09-10
i don't know what's wrong with me. gawd, i just don't know. can't people just accept that i am miserable? people say it's silly to turn to your posters and videos to talk...but in the end there's nothing left for me to do. i know i've said this millions of times already but placebo and AFI don't talk back. i don't want advise. i don't want pity. i don't want concerned looks/questions. it's not gonna help so people needn't bother. i just need...time. or...i don't know. nothing maybe. i don't know what i need to be happy again. maybe i just need to get used to the sudden wheather change. maybe i need to get over my post-gig-depression. maybe i need drugs. maybe i need alcohol. sleep. a doctor. time with myself. a shopping tour. whatever.
what i definitely don't need, though, is people pissing me off. but they do it all the time. which might be connected to my current bad mood as everything can piss me off now. but that doesn't mean it's all my fault. can't people just stop being annoying? why am i forced to spend more time with them than i want to at the moment?
and for god's sake...don't tell me i'm being silly! i know that. it's part of the current situation. being silly is the only thing that keeps me busy. so shut up!
quite often this week i felt the urge to scream. just scream. not cry, not yell at someone...scream. i don't know why but it's the way i feel. i hope this will go over until the placebo gigs in october as i guess that this feeling + placebo emotionalness = bad.
in other news...we wanted to go to the ozzy osbourne gig today. and i really didn't want to as i was feeling like i just described since yesterday. but we went there, walked through the pouring rain, got soaking wet, climbed up the stupid little hill to the enterance of the venue...and then saw some security guys standing there who told us that the gig had been postponed til november. gawd, it was a bloody arena gig! couldn't they have mentioned it on the radio? my mum listens to it all day and she didn't hear anything. and it must have been known to the people in charge for ages as ozzy didn't even come to germany so they could have told us.
so...sorry if this was short and crap but i just feel everything slipping away...future, friendships, life...
and i'm gonna do the most obvious thing now: hide under my blanket and cry.
AFI - the despair factor