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boredom is like a gun in my hand
2004-05-10
i don't know why but i spent way too much time in bed lately...thinking, daydreaming, reading...doing all the things i shouldn't be doing at the moment because they're gonna kill me one of these days.
this morning, i caught myself trying to imagine what it would be like to have someone to hold me. and then it all came crashing down on me when i realised that there'll never be someone like that because i'll never let anyone get close to enough to even touch me. yep, that's the sad truth, people. i'll always keep myself from anything that could make me happy because of whatever reason.
and i fucking hate it.
i just had a phone conversation with maja and i think it went well. though i really couldn't be sure because i've lost any feeling for good and bad lately. so, yes, i'm pretty sure it went well but the simple truth is that she, like everyone else, cannot help me out of the current situation, either. and once again i have to admit that i've foolishly believed that she could. i keep trying to get people to help me or even understand me while i know they never will.
sugarcult - lost in you