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2002-04-10


seriously, dreams can freak you out, can't they? last night, i had my first real nightmare. it wasn't one of those psycho-dreams that most people call nightmares but it was scary. i know that you don't give a shit but i'm gonna tell you what happened in it, anyway. so, it was night and i was driving in a taxi with some other people. but then, we noticed we didn't have any money with us, so the driver just dropped us off at the next corner which happened to be a place near my home but still not THAT close. see, the place is pretty dead, especially at night and there are no houses or anything. but a bridge. and it's VERY dark under it. and i hate to walk under it. and i was so scared because there were so many *real* dark corners where whole bunches of people could have hidden. but still, i had to walk under the bridge to get away from the place. (which is ridiculous because my home is in the other direction) the calling was playing on my stereo, that night (i always put CDs on repeat at night) and somehow, the music got into my dream and i found myself singing along to it really really loudly. and that's actually the worst part of the dream. see, i NEVER sing in public. i only sing when i'm totally sure i'm alone or in the car when i know the music's loud enough and noone will hear me. or at concerts. but that's it. and i would NEVER walk around in the street and sing. but at that moment i was so scared that i actually had to sing the familiar tune to myself and basically everyone who might have been around to gain enough courage to walk along there. i was really pretty scared. i could still feel my heart pounding when i woke up. and i am so sure that i actually sang in my sleep and woke myself up with that.
apart from that, i am pretty proud of myself. today, i woke up and really didn't wanna get up and go to school. i was moaning about it for half an hour or so. and usually, i would have thought of some silly excuse and stayed at home. but i didn't. i got up, got ready and went to school. ok, first, i drove my mom to work and had a damn argument with her (again). but this time, it really wasn't my fault. i mean, each time we stop at the bacery before school/work, she says i should drop her off at the bus stop. and each time, i tell her that the bus stop's too far down the road and then, i have to turn the car around to drive into the road i have to drive into and blaaaah. but she yelled and whined and i actually did drop her off at the bus stop and...bleeeehhh...i had a bus behind me. the driver was already looking at me quite impatiently but nooooo, my mom prefered to stand outside the car, with the door open and yelled at me like i was a fucking 6 year-old. just because i had told her to hurry up because a bloody bus was behind me. so, i decided that this would be a bad day. ok, actually i had known that after waking up with this awful dream in my head, already.
but, yeah, people around me actually had to suffer from my bad mood. ok, i know it's not nice to annoy the hell outta them just because i'm having a bad day but...do they really have to torture me all the time, tho they can see i'm in a foul mood? i mean, why does a 19 year-old girl HAVE to go out during the break? seriously, why? i'm just standing there, listening to jenny's mindless rantings about things she has no clue about and freezing my arse off. do i really need to mention that the presence of jenny made my day still 10 times worse? she's just so...ARGH! how she tries to copy sabrina and me. and how she just has to comment on EVERYTHING. i mean, isn't it obvious that i, who has a driving license and gets to drive at least every second day, know a bit more about driving and cars and traffic rules and stuff than her, who probably has never even been inside a car? i'm not saying i'm a genius or anything. i just want her to shut up when she has no idea what she's talking about.
oh, and i have an A in my english exam (hooray ) but it annoys me how my classmates behave like i was being arrogant because of my good marks. because i'm not. i don't even give a fuck. should i pretend being totally dumb just so they're better than me or anything? they say, i can't take it if they're joking about it or so but that's not true. if they say something like 'pff, i bet you have an A+, anyway' in this really mocking tone, i just don't find it funny, anymore. if they don't wanna have my good grades in comparison with their bad ones shoved in their face, all the time, then why don't they just stop mentioning them? i never mention my grades. i don't even talk about the exams afterwards or anything. i just study for my exams (yeah, right ), write them, get them back and accept my mark. that's it. but nooo, other people have to make a big show of them. and then complain about MY behavior. right!
other than that, i don't have much to say, today. i didn't do much more than going to school and picking my mom up from work. yeah yeah, tales from my exciting life.
but, hooray, next week or the week after, we're going to phantasialand. yey! (theme parks are for kids, you twat!) oh, what the hell. i've always loved it. i think it was the first ever funplace my parents went to with me. when i was really ickle. and when i think of it, i always have that huge magical place in mind. and even tho, i've been there quite a few times in the past few years, it still has that magic around it. it has that deadly boring robot-animals theatre but i have to watch it, each time i go there. aww... so, yey phantasialand!
ok, i will stop babbling now. i guess this entry's really boring the crap outta you, right? poor darlings!

stay beautiful!
:::liebling:::


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