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*breathe in* *breathe out*
2002-05-09
this day is shite! my mom and i had planned to go to the movies, today. because we both finally wanted to see either a beautiful mind or the mothman prophecies. but this morning, mom said i should check again because it's thursday and the new films are out so the program might change. and it did. neither of the films are on, anymore. only in d�sseldorf and mom refuses to go there. so now, it looks like we're not going. mom's sleeping and it's 4.30pm already, so that's a pretty good sign that we'll spend the whole day inside. ok, i could go out but where to? it's a holiday and all the shops are closed and most other places suck.
i also did something really mean. i got a call from the that guy, today. he's called every once in a while ever since i met him on the net about 4 years ago. i once tried phonesex with him. (well, it seemed like the most exciting and greatest thing to do when i was 15) somehow, he must have thought i was cheap enough to do it again and again. well, i got a bit sick of him, today, so i just told him that i have a boyfriend, now. not only was it an unfair lie to get rid of him but it was also quite unlogical. because he never cared about me having a boyfriend when i really had one, either. ok, it doesn't really matter because we've never been close and he lives in england and there's a fair chance i'll never get to meet him. but still...fooling people like that makes me feel sick. though he's not exactly the fairest person, either. i mean, he only called to have a good wank (apparently) so it's not like he was a friendly guy who cared about me... well, i don't expect him to call again. i told him that i refused to talk about our sex life and whatever. so, i guess, i'm not fun enough for him, anymore....
after finding out that i wouldn't be going out, today, i got more than a little bored. so, i started reading some diaries. i came across several diaries of very unhappy people. and i wondered...what is it that makes some teenagers happy little thingies and some a depressed pile of shit? the lives of those people didn't seem much different to those of others. and when i compare mine, it's not much different to for example sabrina's, either. so, what is it then? are we too intelligent to ignore the shit happening in this world? or too stupid? or is it something we were born with? like...a damage to our psyche that makes us unable to just be happy with what we have and what things are like? dunno...tell me if you know?
i got even weirder last night. i was playing with my sims and i actually started TALKING to them. they didn't talk back, though. but they did what i told them to do which makes them about 10 times better than most people i know *giggles* they also gave me the key to why i'm so sick of school. see, if their social and fun score is down to almost 0, they refuse to study, improve their skills, etc. it's the same with me. if people don't talk to me and i don't get to have some fun, i refuse to work. and this is *very* appropriate at the moment. once again, i am being ignored by some people. i can't be arsed to care much anymore. i just decided that i'd ignore them back. i won't be the one starting conversations on msn/aim/yim anymore. if they wanna talk me, they know where to find me. if they don't, they should just leave me alone. and don't ask stupid questions, anymore. i most likely won't help them with anything anymore when that is the only contact we have. oh, and i am not gonna take any complaints serious anymore, either. like *adopts mocking voice* 'you don't care about me, anymore' 'you never listen to me' 'you don't tell me anything about your life anymore' blaaa. right. and, of course, it's the nicest thing to do to ignore me for weeks on end and THEN waltz in and give me a whole fucking list of all the things YOU think i've been doing wrong. i do take people's criticism serious but not like that, sorry.
i started reading harry potter, again. ok, i mainly continued reading where i stopped. i was in the middle of part 2. this is just SO typically me. the whole fuss is over already and i finally start finding out what it's all about.
stay beautiful!
there you go, i feel better, now. it's been bothering me for a while, now. i just could never be arsed to really voice my opinion on this. i'm sure, some people are gonna act all offended now. but i hope that everyong who reads this and thinks they might be meant here, is clever enough to see that i'm not trying to slag anyone off. i'm just stating the obvious and drawing my conclusions from it.
i changed the name of my diary. as you can see. i thought it was more suitable for it. the old name was very cute and all. but it just wasn't me. and it didn't suit the whole look of the site, either.
pepsi light is like SO yuck. i think i'm gonna go and get a can of diet coke, now. it's much better and less sweet. pepsi tastes like melted cola flavoured water ice. euw...
i think, i'm gonna make my mom order some pizza, later. i really want one, now. yum. i guess, with a good pizza service, i could survive on my own for about 20 years. so much for the diet, though. but hey, i haven't eaten much, today and i can really afford having one, now.
so much to do, so little me...
liebling
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