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And this time I think you'll know
2007-03-09
As I might have mentioned several (countless) times before, I am sick of apologizing for never updating this anymore. So I won't.
When you think about it, it is ridiculous how little I use this nowadays. Because I need some place to vent more than ever. It seems I am falling back into my old habit of being sad and depressed a lot. I don't know why because my life has never been better. There isn't a lot I could even begin to complain about.
First of all, I finally got my new contract at work yesterday. The old was one limited to one year and I had only been told I would get a new unlimited one a few weeks ago. And yesterday, the big boss of the company was there on a visit from The Netherlands so he was able to sign the contract. So there's not much reason for worries in that department anymore.
Then I finally made the big step: Last Monday, I got the keys for my first own apartment. It's gonna be mine from the 15th of this month but I can get started already since it had been empty for a few weeks / months. It is so awesome! It was only the second apartment I had a look at. It was the first day of the flat hunting since I had only been told about the new contract a few days prior. Both places I wanted to have a look at were from the same estate agent. The first was a complete hole. While trying to even get to the second floor where it was located, I got so scared that I almost didn't go to have a look at all. Everything was dark and old and rotting. So I really just went to have a look at the actual flat to have a good long laugh. Then I had a look at the second. And I think I fell in love the moment I walked into the building. My mom said she believes it used to be a school way back in the beginning of the last century. The hallway is huge and so pretty! And the flat it just awesome. The kitchen and bedroom are comparably small but the living room is so huge that I'm planning to make it a living / dining / office room. And I'll have a balcony. Which was a huge surprise because it didn't say anything about that in the ad on their website. It's a fairly big balcony as well. I'm slightly annoyed about having to think about how to decorate a balcony now. Haha. And the sweetest detail about the apartment is that the living room windows go out the front and on the other side of the street, there's some small...pond which looks a little like it came straight out of a fairytale. It's so cute!
So that is awesome, right? Right! Except...a friend offered to paint the whole flat, help me choose and measure furniture, etc... And now he's simply not calling back! He said it has to happen fast which I'm definitely a fan of because of a reason I will get into later. So when I got the keys on Monday, I immediately sent him a text to tell him to let me know when he was available. Then I spent the whole week waiting for him to reply. This morning he did. He asked when I'd get off work so we could go measure the kitchen and stuff. I replied telling him I had to work til 6. And he never replied. I threw a fit and told my mom I didn't want him to do it and that she should give me the number of this other guy she knows. But she just texted guy #1 again and he said he'd call tomorrow (after grocery shopping). I don't know what to think. I don't expect him to be available 24/7 for me but a little hint would be nice. Otherwise I'm just sitting here waiting for things to get done though they never will.
The reason why I want it to go so fast is happening in approximately 1.5 months. AFI will be touring Europe again and I will be there. With my little gang. Twelve gigs all over Europe and the UK will be ours. And since they'll spend one or two nights at my place, I'd like it to...really be my place already. Not only to show off though that's definitely one of the reasons because my apartment will be the cutest little place ever. But it'd also be nice to spend some time with them without my mom around. So I don't really want to wait for days just to receive a simple non-descript text message!
These are pretty much the three big things happening in my life at the moment. Other than that, it's the usual...new friends, old friends...that's it. And once again the realization that I spend too much time alone. Not as in "I have no friends" but I isolate myself too much. When I'm not well, I will just not come out with it. I will hide and I will try to get through it on my own. Which ultimately makes people think I'm distant and cool. They think they're bothering me and I hate it but I can't help it. I never liked to be mentally dependent. Only the really hardcore ones actually still message me first on MSN. The rest probably thinks I hate them. *sigh*
Also, I really really hate it when people dislike me for a reason I don't know. It's okay to just not like me but when we seemed to get along fine and suddenly, they draw back, I want to know why. I know I shouldn't care and I know there's a big chance that it might not even be my fault. But it does bother me and things like that have great potential to keep me up at night. Because, after all, I am mentally dependent. And I depend on way too many people...
Saosin - You're Not Alone