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dead.

2003-06-07


i think today must have been the worst gig experience so far. i didn't see much, the whole festival organisation was crap and i've (once again) come to the conclusion that i am not a festival person. it was plainly going on my tits. the people, the heat, the atmosphere. i am now convinced that i'd do everything to see placebo. i knew i'd hate it before. but i went because it might be the last chance to see placebo this year. they said they will be back later this year. but who knows...maybe they won't. i am so totally addicted to this band at the moment. and it's so hard to get out of it. it sounds stupid but it's true. it's like a 'real' addiction to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, whatever... it's just far worse because when you're addicted to either one of the above you can almost always get them to satisfy your need. i am suffering from withdrawal all the time. which means that most of the time i am depressed and craving their presence. i thought i was into rock gigs. well, i like them but what i really need are placebo. all the other ones are amusing and entertaining and i really enjoyed quite a few of them. the manics for example were ace. but there's always a bitter aftertaste that tells me that it's not placebo.
i really need to get away from this. and i know i posted a similar entry a while ago but it's getting worse. i also know you hate this kinda babble and you think i am just annoying and talking crap and stuff. but i am really scared. i mean...i can't get out of this. in the past few weeks i hardly got any sleep. because of placebo. either i went to gigs and didn't get home before the early morning hours. or they were on telly. or i cried during the nights because...well, because i was suffering from post gig depression or just something else. and the worst is that i can't figure out WHY? just...why? i mean, why do i love this band so much. i don't even have SUCH a bad social life anymore. most of the lack of it is due to the band, too. i do get asked out by people. i do have people i can ask out. but i don't. i can't even give you a serious answer if you ask me WHAT i love about them. ok, i'll give you this huge list of things but nothing serious. nothing that could make you see what it is. i'm just...lost, i think. and scared of myself.

dammit, this was intended to be an entry about how pinkpop sucks and how i hate dutch people after today (ok, maybe not ALL of them...) instead i write about placebo again. but...uh...see what i mean?
anyway, so yeah, it was yucky. we needed an hour from the car park to the festival place. we, well, i at least, kind of knew there was a shuttle service but it's not like you'd ever see a bus stop or any other trace of this service. so we walked and walked and walked and were already dead when we arrived. then we had to wait for whatever. for the tickets to be changed, to get the wristbands, to get to the first gate, to get to the second gate, to have the bags (that we didn't have) checked...just everything. we arrived at the north stage (which was on the other end of the place) at arround 5.10 and placebo were on at 5.15. so you can figure out how good the 'seats' were. maja left immediately but i stayed and ended up having an OK view. not good but at least i saw the band (2/3 of them half naked - now guess who). i took some pics but they suck, too. afterwards i didn't find maja and freaked out for the first time. i dunno, when many people are around and it's hot and i feel trapped and lose someone i always start panicking. but it turned out ok. then we got back to the car park (by shuttle, oh yay) and finally arrived at the car and what happened? we spent another 10 minutes getting wrong directions from several staff people. it was so freaky. they all obviously worked there but no one had any idea where we could leave the bloody car park. they said we should go here and there and try this and that but each time we ended up in front of barriers. so in the end i freaked out again and yelled at one of those that he should do his fucking job and let us out of that bloody place. so he did...while looking at me like i had just badly insulted him. and i suppose i have. how could i ask him to do his work?! bad bad me. and i mean, i honestly didn't use swear words or insults with him. i mean, ok, when he was going away i WAS calling him names but i don't think he heard them. so why the hell was it such a big deal to help us? i mean parking was 8� so i think i can at least expect some kind of right directions, can't i? gosh, i HATE bad service!!!
and above all, someone even stole my 30�. *gutted*

so yeah, i'm a little pissed off with the whole thing now. i think i'd prefer not going tomorrow. but it won't be for long. just go there, listen to lifehouse (note: i said 'listen to' as i don't even expect to have a good view on anything anymore) and go home again. not too much walking, not too much work. i hope. otherwise i might just aswell commit suicide there.
so the day really wasn't the best. probably the worst gig so far. not even the show was the best. only the 'burner' songs, hardly any talking (a large part of it from stef, though), strangely cold atmosphere...i dunno, i'd say a typical festival gig but then again...hurricane rocked. placebo's set, not the festival. maybe they felt that their biggest fan (haha) wasn't feeling well.
the worst thing is that i ordered tickets for the terremoto festival yesterday. why oh why do i have to be stupid?

i don't know...was that enough negativity for one entry? or should i also mention my sunburnt face? :p
i think i am also gonna add my first ever private entry today. so far i thought of this feature as a little unnecessary but now i'd just like to vent about some things that i don't want the world to see...

ps: i also hate the webmaster/people in charge over at the placebo website. every other site manages to have forums and whatever else services and keep them up. why don't you?????


placebo - second sight



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