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Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

2005-09-06


Wow, so much has happened since my last update. And yet, I'm not even sure how much of it is relevant enough to be written down here. It's just been a bit of an up and down thing lately which I don't appreciate at all as I really just want one whole steady week. Emotional-wise and in any other way, too. How do people even get those..."normal" lives? I mean, there are people who have a decent permanent job, a nice...domestic situation, just steady friendships...how do they get there? Does it just come with age? Or were they just lucky? I really don't know but I'm definitely not one of them.

I guess, instead of rambling on in my typically incoherent way, I should just get to writing down what actually happened in the past...wow, almost two weeks since I've written something here.

Well, Maja came and I think it's safe to say we had fun. Though she spent a lot of time sick on the sofa and once also in the emergency room of a local hospital. Well, so maybe I should say I was having fun. Went shopping and out for dinner/lunch/whatever quite a lot. On Tuesday, there was the All-American Rejects gig which I had decided to sort of surprise her with and sacrifice the My Chemical Romance tickets in favour for. No big deal since MCR will be back in November anyway. The gig was surprisingly good, though my fear of the building collapsing grew with every passing minute. It looked like a ruin or something. As usual, I was also afraid of spiders just falling from the ceiling. But the band was good, though scary. Man, I never wanna get so close to the singer again. He was...STRANGE! I don't even know what scared me more: The tighter-than-tight pants? His weird facial expressions? His obsession with the word "dick"? I have no idea. But the drummer was hot in a little boy-hot way. I would have fancied the pants of him when I was...14.
But they had a pretty good support band. Mobile. Definitely worth checking out. The guys were also pretty nice. I went to buy their EP for Maja and moi and they were all at the merch stand, so I let them sign them and they were so sweet. <3

Anyway, there was also a job interview on...was it Monday? I guess so. The woman was so freakishly nice. She said the job I had originally applied for was off-limits but since they're a temp agency, she could offer me a contract and all. Gave me all these papers and sample contracts and blabla to look at and said I should call back later to tell her whether wanted to sign a contract. So I called on Wednesday to let her know I'm definitely interested and suddenly it was all completely different. She said I had to wait until they found the first temp job for me until I could sign a contract (and start getting paid, obviously). On Friday, she called to let me know she had found something for me and it was not even a temp job. Of course, I was all happy. Until she mentioned that it was another stupid call center-job. With Hewlett Packard. Accepting customer complaints. Hello?! During the interview, I had clearly stated that I want no call center-jobs and she had nodded all understandingly and stuff. So I told her again that that wasn't quite what I was looking for. And guess what she said?! "Oh, but it IS a job, you know?" And I could totally imagine her stupid fucking fake smile. Yes, it IS a job, cunt! But that's an easy thing to say when you're working in some super-funky and modern office right in the bloody expensive and fancy old town of D�sseldorf and probably make a nice �50,000 a year. Of course, I'm not good enough for a decent job like that. I only went through a bloody apprenticeship after all which only qualifies me to sit next to a fucking phone waiting for people to call in and yell at me because they are to stupid to read the fucking manual which says "Install Software BEFORE connecting printer with the PC", right? Right. I told her she may submit my profile to HP just to make her shut the fuck up but there's no way in hell I'll be doing another piss-job like that again. Especially not when I have to drive to stupid Ratingen everyday.

Anyway, it was my mom's birthday on Thursday and we went out for dinner. Maja didn't accompany us after all because she wasn't feeling right. I expected the dinner to be all horrible with my grandpa there and all. But it was pretty decent. We even joked around a little. And I ate so much, I could only roll through the door when we got home. Which wasn't a good thing because we immediately discovered that Maja was gone. All confused, I checked my cellphone and noticed that she had left a message on my mailbox saying that she felt a little better and had decided to drive to her parents' immediately since she might not be able to later, depending on how she'd feel. I think that was wrong in so many ways but won't go into detail now as I don't really see the need to do so right now. So that put an end to a fun week.

The weekend was a bit blah. But today, I got another call from a company that invited me for an interview on Thursday. This time, it is a real job. Some assistance thing. Something I actually want to do. And it's in Neuss which is a good thing. First of all, Annette's living there so maybe we could meet more often. Also, it's really close to Cologne and D�sseldorf, so I might move there after some time. If I get the job, that is. Which I don't want to think about just yet because I'll only be disappointed again. But the fact that I did get an interview for a GOOD job is great because I know I'm not doing that much wrong then.

Yes, that was the past two weeks in a nutshell. Other than that, I've suddenly become addicted to MySpace which I never thought would happen. And I talked to someone I hadn't talked to in ages and suddenly, I seem to get along just fine with them which is weird because it used to be so...superficial. Oh well, strange things happen, I guess.


AFI - Now The World



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