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I always believed in futures

2005-08-06


It finally happened on Wednesday: I got sacked. I think I pretty much scared my TL and his colleague by not freaking out. I went into their office, closed the door and said: "Alright, I know what this is about. Can we just get it over with?" They stared at me for a moment and then it was over already. Well, they made me hand back EVERYTHING, even the stupid cheap calculator that never really worked properly anyway. I don't know if they expected me to cry or beg or something but they seemed genuinely surprised that I didn't. I didn't feel like it, though. Mind you, even if I had, I wouldn't have allowed myself to break down and cry in front of them. But actually, the only real thought crossing my mind while I was sitting in that office was "Goddamn, I'm glad I even bothered with eyeliner this morning. Would have sucked to look crap today!" What can I say, there's two things that can even make a moment like that glamourous: great make-up and pretty shoes and I was wearing both!
Afterwards, I immediately called Maja and my mum. Maja being all supportive, my mum not so much. Just like I expected it. Neither was able to make things better or worse, though, because I really just called them to inform them. Hell, it even scared myself how indifferent I was about everything. By now, I still don't feel very strongly about it. I am only affected by that feeling of being useless that comes with being unemployed. I know that I'll become depressive and suicidal if I do nothing for too long so I'll have to hurry up with finding something to do. Unfortunately, the job agency is doing its best at preventing me from doing so, though. I went there on Thursday to tell them I'm no longer part of the working society. I was all ready to have a proper talk and stuff and all they did was give me an appointment for 7.30 am next Friday. Which sucks for so many reasons. First of all, I am not able to think straight that early in the morning. Especially not about things that will have a strong effect on my future. And the second and worse thing is that I now have to wait another week until I can finally come up with real plans. I need them to tell me which possibilities I have and what I get how much financial support for.
Nevertheless, I started to apply for jobs today. Only half-heartedly and just two so far, but at least, it is a start. I am mostly doing it to not completely waste a whole week, though.

And what else did I do now that I am unemployed? Yup, I want and bought World Of Warcraft. I am not exactly sure in what way it's gonna help me with everything but it's sure gonna help me waste the time I am not spending working on the project Maja and I have come up with. But damn, it's taking ages to install. I can't wait to start playing. It's completely new to me because I've never played a game of that genre and it excites me to become a part of the *cool* people.

Oh, I also bought a spiffy new pen to sign my letters with. It's black and pink and because of its prettiness, I made it my lucky pen. It's SO gonna give me luck!


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