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may angels lead you in...
2002-08-06
so...yes, it happened. well, actually, it happened yesterday around 1pm already but things were going so fast and this diary really wasn't my first priority then. we're all taking it surprisingly well. but it also was surprisingly easy. as soon as my mom and grandpa came home and told me about it, everything went incredibly fast. cards had to be sent out, a funeral planned, people informed...the usual stuff. it was hard to see it as it was and only in some very rare moments were we actually reminded of what was going on. i only really got to think about it when i was lying in bed later. so i cried a bit more and after that, i felt much better. i even wanted to watch some dvd's and stuff and called mariam. i think, it was just the work i had to do to get over the first shock. the only thing that makes me sad now is the fact that my grandpa will be lonely now. other than that, i'm not sad anymore. i know that she wanted it and i know that it almost happened like she always wished it would happen. well, the funeral on thursday will still be quite hard but mainly because i'll see my relatives cry and all. my grandpa is still complaining about the hospital staff. he thinks they didn't do enough or maybe did something to end her life. in a way i think so, too, but i can't see anything wrong with that. it was clear that she didn't want to live anymore and she wouldn't have lived for long anymore...and probably her life would have been even worse. so i think we should be thankful instead of thinking about sueing them. i think what most people fail to see is that life doesn't go on forever and ever and ever. it never does. if someone's saved from death today and doesn't mean they're safe forever. and the question is if saving someone is worth it when they're really old and life is supposedly worse than death.
on a lighter note...uh...well, i worked on the site a bit more. well, i tried to but after looking for pics for ages my inspiration left me and i didn't know what the point of my idea was. the hardest thing is creating the graphics. you don't necessarily need graphics but i dunno...it's nicer to have something there... but i'm crap at creating graphics and i hate that. it's too much work and fiddly stuff and blaaaaaah. i prefer creating the actual site but since maja has neither frontpage nor a graphic proggy at work, i have to do it both. i guess i'll never get to creating the actual site, tho, because after half an hour of fiddling around with the piccies, i get so sick of it that i stop working on it entirely. *lmao*
*yawns* i think i'm going to bed in a minute...and i'll sleep for 3 days or something. i know i always complained about not being tired. now i have been tired for days but couldn't sleep anyway. *whines*
damn, i should stop that now. it's just that such things really make you think a lot. it makes you see that someday you'll die, too, and that there's no way to hide from it or run away.
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