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welcome back to me
2005-02-06
yes, i'm back home. thank god. one thing i figure out each time i go away is that i'm not a person to go away. at least not to stay with other people. hotel rooms are ok as they're still kind of my temporary home then. i think it's the nonstop contact that's the problem. my mood swings just don't allow me to be around people all the time. when i'm on a low, you won't get me to talk or do anything productive. leave alone talk about said low. well, while i was with maja, i had quite a few of those. i don't think she really figured me out. probably thought i was being a bitch all the time. sorry for that.
we had good times, though. i'd say sunday, monday and friday were really good. the rest of the days had their brighter and not-so-bright sides. going out with her co-workers was fun. they were all really nice. but i couldn't stop thinking "please don't let me become like this!". as i said, they were all nice. but they were also very grown-up, down to earth and just...i don't know...mature?! you know, the kind of people that you could imagine to be your parents because they don't seem to have a worry and if they do, they automatically know the way out. this doesn't sound like a horrible thing but to me it is because i don't want to become like that and i fear that you just automatically do that at some point in your life.
another thing that kind of scared me was maja's co-worker, daniela, asking me why i didn't move to munich. she made it sound like that was the only logical consequence. like it had never occured to her that i am an individual with an own life and opinions and not just "maja's friend". i know i'm putting way too much meaning into it as she probably couldn't care less but she seemed really surprised that i didn't make my whole life depend on moving down there while, in reality, i have never seriously considered it. i always thought that if i couldn't find anything round here, i would check out what the south had to offer since at least i know someone there already. but i never really wanted, leave alone planned to move there as i'm not exactly the biggest fan of munich. it's a pretty town and it's nice to go there for a few days but i wouldn't like to live there. i don't know, it just freaked me out. i was wondering whether it should be logical to me to move down south but came to the conclusion that i can't begin my future in a place i don't like only based on a friendship, best friends or not.
anyway, we also went to see my chemical romance on monday and it was amazing. i was really surprised how good they were. i expected them to be a lot moodier and less open. you know, like i wouldn't have expected them to communicate with the audience so much, verbally or not. so it was really good. i started writing this looooong review but it's nowhere near finished so i'm either putting it here later or - which is something i've been thinking about for a while - make a review site. i just realised that i really enjoy reviewing gigs and stuff but i've never had a place to put them other than here which would seem wrong to me as this is a personal journal and all. we'll see...
oh yeah, and on thursday i'm gonna go see slut which has just been decided spontaneously. woo hoo.
trapt - when all is said and done