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Reach out...and you might take my heart away
2005-10-10
I feel empty. The lonely and confused kind of empty. And once again, I
have no idea why. Today was alright. The interview was a lot better than
expected. The rest of the day wasn't so bad. I didn't sleep last night.
Only two or three hours before I had to get ready this morning. I knew
it was a mistake to go back to bed after grabbing a bite to eat but I
did it anyway and was tired and a little out of it all day thanks to
that. So I went to bed around midnight but I can't sleep. I watched that
movie with Cher with that title I'm too lazy to look up now. Then I
watched some other crap. I nearly fell asleep so I switched off the TV
but I'm wide awake again. It's 2:30 AM.
I'd love to liven this up with some actual information. About how the
interview went. Or what else happened today. But nothing of that
actually matters right now. Or ever actually. I know it should but it
doesn't. I never place importance on things that people tell me I should
place importance on. Right now, in all this mess of being unemployed,
broke and lonely, the only thing that really matters to me is how
beautiful Sing The Sorrow sounds in the darkness of my room and how much
I hope the next album means as much to me as this one...
I miss...someone but I don't know who. As long as I remember there's
never been anyone and as much as I try to hide it from myself, it hurts.
I don't think there'll ever be someone. That's just not what's in there
for me. This sounds sad and miserable and I want to delete this all
right away and write something cheery or sarcastic...maybe something
about Germany's fucked-up political situation instead. Or better yet:
abandon this whole thing and just delete the email before I send it. But
I won't. I have never done that and I won't do it now, either. Though I
know I'll hate myself for writing this tomorrow.
The Leaving Song Pt. II - AFI