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loser kitty�
2004-10-03
so, i'm not doing too well, lately. especially not when it comes to human contact. i suppose i'm pissing a lot of people off at the moment. i just can't be bothered to really listen and then think about something meaningful to say most of the time. so i just...sort of go on auto-pilot and babble/type useless stuff. it used to happen a lot while i was talking to myself. now it also happens while i'm talking to other people. grand, just grand!
i talked to john today. and it sort of made me see why i had been ignoring him for months now. he had msg'ed me on a daily basis and i had just closed the window without bothering to even read what he was saying. today, i decided i should stop being cruel. ok, admittedly, i had also managed to unintentionally get rid of most other people, so i figured i could aswell try talking to him. huge mistake! why does he have to be so weird? why does he have to ramble on about things he knows i don't care about? why does he have to keep hitting on me though he knows i'm not interested? and why, after all, does he still have to keep telling me he wants us to be friends? friends don't do such things. i don't want to be his friend. too many things have happened and i'll never be able to bring myself to actually really care about him.
i've done nothing today. not even the things i promised myself i would do like...tidy up a little, clean a little...and get rid of some old clothes and underwear and stuff. i keep saying "next weekend or some time after school" but i know it never happens. well, at least not while i'm feeling empty and lost like this. all i've done today was lie in bed and read my AFI book which, despite my rather sad condition produces a huge grin on my face each time i even touch it. well, and i played sims, of course. i also did the weekly weight-check and noticed i've lost another kg. that should make me happy but it only made me smile a bit. i'm such an idiot.
and tomorrow, another week of crap starts. actually, school really isn't so bad but monday-wednesday is because we have school til 2/3 and we almost only have subjects which i hate and which make me feel like a complete loser because i suck at them. i like thursdays and fridays, though. mostly fridays, of course, as we only have pissy subjects then, so i can geek my way through the day and then it's weekend already.
everyone please pray for me to get my AFI stuff this week, so i shall be happy. thank you!
and goddammit, i just noticed i forgot to do my homework for...forgot which subject but i forgot it and i know the teacher will collect the stuff and give marks for it, so i shall do that now...
AFI - just like heaven