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miss me?
2002-12-02
alright, so i am back. good thing i mentioned in my last entry that i was going away for a few days. otherwise noone would have noticed anyway.
london. yeah. was amazing, as usual. well, the city. something pissed me off, tho. at camden town tube station i saw a poster promoting a manics exhibition and I COULDN'T SEE IT. probably, it would have been possible to go and see it but we didn't know where the venue was and it was quite late already and we were tired and blablabla, so we (ok, my mom) decided it wouldn't make sense to find our way to the venue. *sob*
you know, my mom's a bitch. she's gonna buy a new car. well, i knew that for a while but she always said she wanted a benz or citroen (anybody know where to find the e with the dots?) or a ford or whatever. that would have been a) exciting because it would be a new car and b) cool because i get to drive her car when mine gets fixed or cleaned and so i could drive two different cars. but today she told me her "friend" made her an offer to buy EXACTLY the same car as mine. well, ok, almost exactly, the only difference being that it would be BLACK, the colour I WANTED! pah! and she's gonna buy it. ok, a tiny little difference is that it has 15HS less than mine but...gawd. that's not fair. so i don't get to drive different cars. *sulks*
anyway, i need to catch up on some sleep. we got home seriously late last nite (or early this morning) and i only got a few hours of sleep. so...zZzZzZzZz
*is in a shitty mood again* but at least i found out why i am feeling so rotten, lately: CHRISTMAS! i hate it, hate it, hate it. and each year, i get all depressed and stuff and i wonder why and then i see all the ugly colourful christmas crap and i remember. it's just...why does it all have to be so awful? i understand if people think having some days off to spend them with your family and being all peaceful and stuff is nice but why does the whole world have to kinda turn upside down? i mean, i'm a huge sucker for kitsch and all and if I say something's over the top then there must be some trace of truth in that, really. it's just, the whole world turns gold and red and dark green and weird scary creatures (santa claus, snowmen, awful-looking angels) run after you when you're at the mall and there's that terrible christmas music sung by children choires everywhere and it's just horrible. and do i have to mention how christmas has become just another reason to spend loads of money on kitschy presents which most people don't like or want?! i guess not. i mean, if people want to have themselves fooled by that, it's fine with me. i just think it's unfair that there's no way around it. there should be some kind of place for people like me. where we could hide away from all the terror going on outside until everything's back to normal...or what this world thinks is normal.
but noooo...instead i have to go christmas-shopping, tomorrow. i was gonna do that in london but then kinda decided that nothing i could buy there would be any more or less suitable than what i could buy here...just much more expensive. and i didn't really find anything that hit me as especially exciting, either. so, i'm gonna buy everything here now.
i didn't spend as much money as i thought i would. in fact, i only spend about...(damn my keyboard for not having the pound sign, so i have to calculate around to get the sum in �) �120 which really isn't much considering that i don't get to spend much time over there. i bought some books, a poster (ceeeebo) and a manics CD. i also saw some cute living dead dolls minis but kinda decided not to buy them for some strange reason. ok, the reason for that might be that i'm getting older and wiser and better at dealing with money which SCARES me! *sob* oh yeah, and i also bought a hello kitty keyring which i wanted for AGES! and that's it, basically. the rest was bought by my mommy. but it wasn't much. just some candy we don't get in germany and one of those new year's calendars with choccy...a barbie one of course. hehe.
now, though, i am slightly depressed. but it isn't as bad as i expected it, too. just the usual feeling of emptiness. and, of course, i once again notice how much i loathe this place. it just seems to ugly and boring and dull compared to london. but it's not that bad, really. it feels rather natural. i mean, i think everybody gets that. when you're coming from a place you truly love to any other place, it always feels rather disappointing and boring. at least i hope so. but i guess i'll be alright. i survived the day at work no problem and the only time i cried was on the journey back yesterday and that was only partly because of london. the other reason was because we had stopped at one of those restspots along the motorway and it was dark and raining and i nearly fell and my right leg slipped into a puddle almost up to the knee. eww... i can't wait til i go to london again, tho. *weeps*
oh, and my silver rocket's playing up again. now it's constantly showing me a little tool in the display. it's nothing serious, only means it has to be checked on in 900km but it annoys me because it just got fixed and i suppose they checked on it then, so i don't wanna get it checked again. but if i don't, the tool light won't go off and i won't know if something serious happens. stupid thing! doh!
placebo - taste in men