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uh...richey?
2002-08-01
i came across this today. browsing around there made me feel a little...well...silly. like i was only interested in the big story about him. but the more i read the more i actually managed to find out why i am so interested in that guy and that band. i can find myself in him. i know it sounds stupid but the more i read about him the more i recognize myself. and i mean the stuff by people who actually got to know him a bit. not what the media have tried to make of him.
am i actually making sense? i don't think anyone will understand this but that doesn't matter. i can always get away with the excuse that this is mainly a personal diary. and as long as i know what i mean, it's all good. the problem is...i don't really understand my entries. seriously, i've read a few ones from earlier this year and they were a little...hard to understand for me. *laughs* oh well...
btw...i got a letter from my new boss, today. apparently, i am not gonna start working on september 2 but there'll be a huge welcome-celebration and blablabla. i am taking my mommy with me as i think most people will do so. AND, i don't wanna be all lost when they talk and talk. i tend to forget about such details and my mom will remember them. *lmao* the worse news is that i have to go on this stupid group trip on sep 5 and sep 6. OVERNIGHT!!! goddammit, i don't want that. i mean, they always always always do that. when you come into a new class, group, whatever. they always say it's good so you can meet your new collegues and bla. but that's soooooo not true. usually, everyone just sits in their corner and is all shy and some people are not shy but they only make fools of themselves anyway. and if you actually get to know each other you usually turn out to hate them.
uhm...i'm feeling like playing sims again. so i'm gonna do that now.
in that story by the woman on that site, she said that, in the end, everyone who knew him had to see that they didn't know him that well after all. and i feel that it's the same with me and my friends/family. they do know me, yeah, but i'm quite sure they don't know everything. they see what i do and they hear what i say and they like or sometimes it makes them angry. and they often think they understand but they don't. they can't. it's not their fault. but i refuse to think that it's all mine, aswell. it's just...it's never really appropriate to tell anyone how i really feel. and i dunno...in the end such talks are pretty pointless anyway. i can talk and talk and talk but they'd never understand. because they don't feel the same. you can't explain or describe feelings. either you feel them and know what it's like or you don't. they don't. full stop.
and i will never fully understand how they feel because i don't feel like that.
from what i know so far it seems like richey was feeling the same. (i didn't write "was" because i think he's dead but because i think he changed his life. therefore he probably isn't feeling like that anymore) soooooo i can understand how he feels.
bla, i'm just annoyed. i hate going away overnight. i won't have a comp and my only connection to the outside-world will be my mobile. it's gonna be an expensive month again. and they'll probably make us do all that crap. run through woods for ages and solve stupid math problems and blaaaa... *feels sick*
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