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2006-02-01


Oh, joy, a new layout. Celebration and woohoo and all that jizz. And the usual crap: need to change the archives and guestbook and whatever. I can't be arsed to do that now because *drum roll* I had a long day at work. Work, Kathy? Yes, work! In one of her last entries gia-darling wrote about waiting for a guy to come around for ages and then suddenly there are three of them. And it was the same with me and jobs. Suddenly, I found myself have 90%+ chances with three different ones. The one I had a trial work day with was one of them but I still haven't received the final feedback. I still really want that job. But then I received a call on Monday telling me the job Miss Temp Agency of Doom had offered me was mine. I still had my doubts about it but ended up signing the contract yesterday. And today was my first day there. I have mixed feelings about it. I almost like the people even better than the ones at the other job, I like the work a lot more and I feel great there. But the downside still is: it's in Cologne. Somehow, I really believed, I could pull this off. But now I'm just not so sure anymore. I've been away from home for 13 hours today. I spent ages waiting for trains and on trains and getting pissed off at trains and missing trains. The only thing saving me was my Sidekick and my iPod. But I don't know how long I'll be able to handle this. Also, I went to ask for whole month-ticket prices today and it will cost me 200� (!!!) a month. Admittedly, the temp agency will cover 50% of it but still...it's a disgrace! The service really isn't that great. In fact, there is no service at all. Ok, so the trains get you from A to B but that's it. It's not like they care if you suffocate in the crowded train or get run over or mugged or anything.
Also, no matter how great the job is, it will most definitely end after a year. And then I'll be stuck with Miss Temp Agency of Doom who'll still be paying me and therefore telling me what I have to do then. I'm not sure if I'm up for that. I'm still hoping I'll get the other job, as well. I made sure I can back out of the current one then. I have one day notice for the first two weeks. I'll still feel bad for letting them down but hey, it's a cruel world, I've been fucked over several times in the job hunting game...I just need to start being really selfish to get somewhere safe. The sad thing is that if this happens, I will miss the current job. Which is a strange feeling. I want to hate this so much, but I don't seem to be able to. Although I really don't get why they wanted me. Several people at the temp agency told me how much I had impressed them and how much they had instantly liked me and wanted me. I don't know why. I don't really fit in there. They're all 40+ and completely different types of people. Today, I heard that one of them regularly gets permanent make-up done (the subtle kind, though, and only because she's too lazy to do it every morning) and the others kept saying how they don't understand how anyone could even wear make-up everyday. And I was sitting there with my heavily mascara-ed, sparkling golden eye-shadow eyes and thought "Yeah, like, I SO don't get it, either...". Well, they won't be seeing any less of it on me anytime soon, sorry. I'm just really into make-up at the moment. I even use liquid eyeliner everyday which is something I used to only do on special days or when I had a lot of time. The problem is that I am so different from everyone else that I need to be careful not to become everyone's favourite punchbag. I already noticed that talking behind people's backs seems to be everyone's favourite hobby and they especially do it with people who are a little different. For example, they keep slandering about the only guy in the team. Admittedly, he's the biggest dork / nerd / loser I have ever met (yes, my own reflection in the mirror included) and he even annoys me already). But still...why not tell him things straight to his face? After all, they said things that should be said out loud because he obviously made some really annoying mistakes with his work. Oh well...

I'm so tired. So so so so so tired. I worked from 8:30 to 5 today. But I think I'll try to start at 7 tomorrow and leave earlier. I was told I can even leave a lot earlier when I'm not in the shift that has to start at 7 but I don't think I wanna do that just yet. And haha, I just found out, I can't start then because the earliest train arrives in Cologne at 7:11. And I can't go by ICE or night train just yet. Fantastic. Up yours, Deutsche Bahn!


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